Navigating Differences: Applying Non-Violent Communication in Homeschooling Decisions

Written By Manisha Snoyer (co-founder of Modulo)

In a world where disagreements and misunderstandings can lead to tension and discord, especially in matters such as homeschooling decisions between parents, the approach of non-violent communication (NVC) offers a constructive solution. Envision a scenario where couples, despite having differing perspectives on homeschooling, are equipped to truly understand and connect with each other, fostering an environment of harmony and empathy. This is the heart of non-violent communication, a life-changing strategy for interpersonal relations. In this article, we will explore the principles and benefits of NVC, highlighting how it can be applied when parents disagree about homeschooling.

Fundamentals of NVC

NVC, also known as compassionate communication, was conceived by psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg in the 1960s. It emphasizes four key principles: observation, feelings, needs, and requests. These principles are crucial when addressing disagreements about homeschooling.

Observation entails describing a situation without judgment. For instance, objectively discussing the pros and cons of homeschooling instead of making assumptions. Feelings involve identifying and expressing emotions without blaming the other person, such as acknowledging worry about a child's social development if homeschooled. Needs relate to identifying fundamental human needs, like the need for assurance that the child will receive a comprehensive education. Requests, the last principle, involve making clear, positive, and actionable requests rather than demands, like requesting a visit to a successful homeschooling family to better understand the process.

The Role of Empathy

Empathy is crucial in navigating disagreements about homeschooling using NVC. It enables parents to understand each other's perspectives, validating their feelings and concerns. With empathy, the focus shifts from winning the argument to understanding the other's viewpoint and seeking solutions that address both parents' concerns.

Enhancing Relationships through NVC

The use of NVC in discussing homeschooling decisions can significantly improve the relationship between parents. By focusing on empathy and understanding, it facilitates open and respectful conversations, helps break free from destructive patterns of communication, and promotes healthier interactions.

Resolving Homeschooling Disagreements through NVC

NVC provides a framework to address disagreements about homeschooling constructively. Instead of blaming or finding fault, it encourages parents to express their observations, feelings, and needs, and to actively listen to each other. By doing so, it fosters an environment of collaboration, helping parents find solutions that respect both parents' perspectives and meet their child's needs.

Applying NVC Techniques in Homeschooling Discussions

Several NVC techniques can be applied in discussing homeschooling decisions. Reflective listening can ensure each parent feels heard, and "I" statements can help express individual feelings and needs without sounding accusatory. Active listening fosters understanding and creates a safe space for open dialogue.

Implications of NVC in Family Dynamics

In addition to resolving homeschooling disagreements, NVC can transform family dynamics. Parents can understand and address the emotional needs of their children better and set boundaries in a compassionate and respectful manner. It also teaches children valuable communication skills as they observe their parents practicing NVC.

Resources for Learning NVC

For those interested in learning NVC, resources such as Marshall B. Rosenberg's "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" and "Nonviolent Communication Companion Workbook" provide in-depth guidance. Workshops and online communities dedicated to NVC also offer opportunities to learn and practice these communication skills.

Conclusion: Harnessing the Power of NVC in Homeschooling Decisions

Navigating disagreements about homeschooling through non-violent communication can foster understanding, empathy, and connection, transforming both the discussion and the family dynamics. By employing the principles of observation, feelings, needs, and requests, parents can cultivate an environment of effective communication, leading to more informed and mutually agreed-upon homeschooling decisions. It provides the foundation for an enriched homeschooling experience that respects and incorporates both parents' views, ultimately creating a nurturing and effective learning environment for the child.

Manisha Snoyer (co-founder of Modulo)

For the last 20 years, I’ve taught over 2000 children in 3 countries (of all socio-economic backgrounds). I pioneered an English language program in a conflict region in the Middle East. I’ve worked as a bilingual public school teacher at some of the highest and lowest performing public schools and in all five boroughs of NYC. I’ve tutored 18 subjects in three languages to some of the wealthiest families in NYC, San Francisco and Paris to make up for shortcomings in private schools they were paying up to $60,000 a year to attend.

Since 2015, I’ve helped hundreds of parents start microschools (way before this was a household buzzword). I founded CottageClass, the first marketplace for microschools and learning pods that was part of the Techstars 2018 class. In 2019, I created a virtual learning program to help families through the pandemic, a free online math tutoring program (masteryhour.org), and schoolclosures.org, a hotline developed in collaboration with Twilio and 80 other partners including Khan Academy, Revolution Foods and the Crisis Text Line, that served 100,000 families impacted by school closures.

I’ve climbed trees with children in forest schools in San Francisco, and tested new digital apps with kids in seven countries.

I’ve also coached dozens of families at different stages in their homeschooling journey. Most recently, I founded Modulo with homeschooling dad, best-selling author and tech entrepreneur Eric Ries, to help families curate their children’s education, social and childcare experiences drawing from a diverse array of in-person and online resources.


During the last three years, I’ve devoted much of my time to reviewing and testing secular homeschooling curriculum and other resource. I’ve spent the last three years talking to thousands of secular homeschooling families, and poring over tens of thousands of secular curriculum reviews and testing physical curriculum and digital apps for with hundreds of students to find the highest quality, most engaging, personalized learning materials for every type of learner.

I’ve spoken about homeschooling and modular learning at multiple venues including SXSW EDU, NY Tech Meetup, and on the LiberatedEd podcast.

In 2022, Modulo was one of 8 organizations who were awarded the Bridge Grant from the Vela Education Fund to expand access to homeschooling and modular learning to under-resourced communities.

My experience in education and homeschooling has led me to believe that there is no perfect education for every child, but families have an extraordinary amount of wisdom they can apply to building the perfect education for their individual child.

My goal with Modulo is to make it possible for any family to easily build a customized education that their child will love, and that will empower the whole family to thrive, taking into account, social, emotional and academic needs.

I love to answer questions from parents and receive feedback on how we can improve Modulo, so feel free to reach out anytime! I personally answer all the questions and comments readers leave on my blogs.

In my free time, I like hiking, traveling the world, tasting ceremonial grade matcha, enjoying dark chocolate.

I graduated Summa Cum Laude from Brandeis University with highest honors, with a double degree in French Literature and American Studies and minors in Environmental Studies and Peace & Conflict Studies.

And I love to learn!

https://www.linkedin.com/in/manisha-snoyer-5042298/
Previous

Resolution and Understanding: Utilizing Non-Violent Communication in Homeschooling Conflicts
Next

The Ultimate Guide to Homeschooling in Virginia