Social Learning Theory: Modeling Persuasive Communication for the Holidays
Your child learns through watching you, so model well…
According to Albert Bandura’s Social Learning Theory, children learn through modeling - and especially by watching and copying you, their primary caregivers and role model.
So what better opportunity to model empathy and persuasive communication skills than a Thanksgiving diner, especially if you’re fortunate enough to come from a family with a wide range of political views. Even luckier if you have a family member whose political or religious views - and the manner they express them - makes you especially irate!
We all have that relative. Can you think of who it is for you?
“I love everyone..(except Trump supporters) is a phrase I don’t doubt many of my liberal friends have in the back of their head or the tip of their tongue at any moment.
“How could any kind, reasonable person possibly by pro-choice/pro-life, etcetera…
At Thanksgiving, many either choose to avoid politics all together or engage in some sort of (at best) lively debate and at worse frustrating and heart wrenching, divisive argument.
In my experience, shouting matches or avoiding the topic are not the best paths to influencing someone’s point of view and paving the path towards social progress.
I don’t believe yelling at someone is at the top of the list of persuasive communication skills.
It certainly doesn’t lead to greater family (or inner) harmony)
I generally find that people are more open to my point of view when I :
Make a genuine effort to understand how they came to their opinion by asking real questions and being legitimately curious. How will we ever change someone if we don’t understand where they are coming from and what experiences led them to those beliefs, however misguided? You can’t fake this, you have to be really curious.
Reflect back to them what we hear and make sure we understand. This makes them feel heard- and therefore, safe to have a real discussion with you.
Only after doing so, acknowledge their point of view and ask them if they are open to hearing our response.
Express what experiences made us feel differently.
Easier said then done. It takes a little meditation/deep breathing to get grounded in this, but what an amazing outcome when you are able to cultivate this type of listening and communication in your child!
What an amazing outcome when your relative’s point of view changes because of your respect for theirs.
I have changed many minds through this approach and I like to believe this has led to a ripple effect that changes the world.
Be mindful, that their view may not change overnight, but you’ve definitely planted a seed. Let it sit and grow.
Also, you’ve developed a greater understanding of why you believe what you do - and this will make you more self-aware and better at communicating it to others.
In May, By Arnaud Gagneur and Karin Tameriu created a chatbot in the NYtimes that helps teach people who to communicate with friends about the Covid vaccine. I found it quite brilliant and was surprised to learn how set I was in advancing my own agenda, which was actually leading me towards a less effective communication style.
I this is an issue you’re passionate about, I definitely recommend you try the bot before your big Thanksgiving meal. And have your child/teen try it too. It’s fun!
Best of luck modeling empathy fo your kids for the holidays. Let me know how it goes!
