Social Learning Theory: Modeling Persuasive Communication for the Holidays

Written By Manisha Snoyer (co-founder of Modulo)

Your child learns through watching you, so model well…

According to Albert Bandura’s Social Learning Theory, children learn through modeling - and especially by watching and copying you, their primary caregivers and role model. 

So what better opportunity to model empathy and persuasive communication skills than a Thanksgiving diner, especially if you’re fortunate enough to come from a family with a wide range of political views. Even luckier if you have a family member whose political or religious views - and the manner they express them -  makes you especially irate!  

We all have that relative. Can you think of who it is for you?

“I love everyone..(except Trump supporters) is a phrase I don’t doubt many of my liberal friends have in the back of their head or the tip of their tongue at any moment.

“How could any kind, reasonable person possibly by pro-choice/pro-life, etcetera…

At Thanksgiving, many either choose to avoid politics all together or engage in some sort of (at best) lively debate and at worse frustrating and heart wrenching, divisive argument. 

In my experience, shouting matches or avoiding the topic are not the best paths to influencing someone’s point of view and paving the path towards social progress. 

I don’t believe yelling at someone is at the top of the list of persuasive communication skills. 

It certainly doesn’t lead to greater family (or inner) harmony) 

I generally find that people are more open to my point of view when I :

  1. Make a genuine effort to understand how they came to their opinion by asking real questions and being legitimately curious. How will we ever change someone if we don’t understand where they are coming from and what experiences led them to those beliefs, however misguided? You can’t fake this, you have to be really curious.

  2. Reflect back to them what we hear and make sure we understand. This makes them feel heard- and therefore, safe to have a real discussion with you.

  3. Only after doing so, acknowledge their point of view and ask them if they are open to hearing our response.

  4. Express what experiences made us feel differently.

Easier said then done.  It takes a little meditation/deep breathing to get grounded in this, but what an amazing outcome when you are able to cultivate this type of listening and communication in your child!

What an amazing outcome when your relative’s point of view changes because of your respect for theirs. 

I have changed many minds through this approach  and I like to believe this has led to a ripple effect that changes the world. 

Be mindful, that their view may not change overnight, but you’ve definitely planted a seed. Let it sit and grow. 

Also, you’ve developed a greater understanding of why you believe what you do - and this will make you more self-aware and better at communicating it to others. 

In May, By Arnaud Gagneur and Karin Tameriu created a chatbot in the NYtimes that helps teach people who to communicate with friends about the Covid vaccine. I found it quite brilliant and was surprised to learn how set I was in advancing my own agenda, which was actually leading me towards a less effective communication style.  

I this is an issue you’re passionate about, I definitely recommend you try the bot before your big Thanksgiving meal. And have your child/teen try it too. It’s fun! 

Best of luck modeling empathy fo your kids for the holidays. Let me know how it goes! 

Manisha Snoyer (co-founder of Modulo)

For the last 20 years, I’ve taught over 2000 children in 3 countries (of all socio-economic backgrounds). I pioneered an English language program in a conflict region in the Middle East. I’ve worked as a bilingual public school teacher at some of the highest and lowest performing public schools and in all five boroughs of NYC. I’ve tutored 18 subjects in three languages to some of the wealthiest families in NYC, San Francisco and Paris to make up for shortcomings in private schools they were paying up to $60,000 a year to attend.

Since 2015, I’ve helped hundreds of parents start microschools (way before this was a household buzzword). I founded CottageClass, the first marketplace for microschools and learning pods that was part of the Techstars 2018 class. In 2019, I created a virtual learning program to help families through the pandemic, a free online math tutoring program (masteryhour.org), and schoolclosures.org, a hotline developed in collaboration with Twilio and 80 other partners including Khan Academy, Revolution Foods and the Crisis Text Line, that served 100,000 families impacted by school closures.

I’ve climbed trees with children in forest schools in San Francisco, and tested new digital apps with kids in seven countries.

I’ve also coached dozens of families at different stages in their homeschooling journey. Most recently, I founded Modulo with homeschooling dad, best-selling author and tech entrepreneur Eric Ries, to help families curate their children’s education, social and childcare experiences drawing from a diverse array of in-person and online resources.


During the last three years, I’ve devoted much of my time to reviewing and testing secular homeschooling curriculum and other resource. I’ve spent the last three years talking to thousands of secular homeschooling families, and poring over tens of thousands of secular curriculum reviews and testing physical curriculum and digital apps for with hundreds of students to find the highest quality, most engaging, personalized learning materials for every type of learner.

I’ve spoken about homeschooling and modular learning at multiple venues including SXSW EDU, NY Tech Meetup, and on the LiberatedEd podcast.

In 2022, Modulo was one of 8 organizations who were awarded the Bridge Grant from the Vela Education Fund to expand access to homeschooling and modular learning to under-resourced communities.

My experience in education and homeschooling has led me to believe that there is no perfect education for every child, but families have an extraordinary amount of wisdom they can apply to building the perfect education for their individual child.

My goal with Modulo is to make it possible for any family to easily build a customized education that their child will love, and that will empower the whole family to thrive, taking into account, social, emotional and academic needs.

I love to answer questions from parents and receive feedback on how we can improve Modulo, so feel free to reach out anytime! I personally answer all the questions and comments readers leave on my blogs.

In my free time, I like hiking, traveling the world, tasting ceremonial grade matcha, enjoying dark chocolate.

I graduated Summa Cum Laude from Brandeis University with highest honors, with a double degree in French Literature and American Studies and minors in Environmental Studies and Peace & Conflict Studies.

And I love to learn!

https://www.linkedin.com/in/manisha-snoyer-5042298/
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