How to help kids build social skills while social distancing.

With schools and daycares closed for over 3 months, children have been feeling painfully lonely. Families have struggled to find ways to help kids connect and are deeply concerned about their children’s well being - as well as how they’ll develop healthy social-emotional skills during this time. 

Many families are rightfully skeptical about the ability of their children to develop meaningful social connections online. 

However, a lot of the problem is that we’ve been trying to do online experiences in the same way we’ve been doing in-person interactions. Online meetings are an entirely different medium than in-person ones and we need to get creative about the way we relate online and offline to make this work for our kids. 

Here are a few ways you can develop your children’s social skills in-person during the pandemic:

• Forming a healthy attachment with your own child can go a long way in helping them develop meaningful connections with other kids down the road. Gentle Parents Unite is a wonderful group of parent coaches and engaged families who can help give you advice on how to connect with your child. Here are “Seven ways to connect with your children” from the Child Life Institute. 

• Nurturing relationships between siblings is a great way help children learn to socialize. We can use this time of quarantine to help our kids develop better relationships with each other so they can continue to support each other and be friends as adults, a time when they’ll maybe need each other most. The Cleveland Clinic has some good advice on addressing sibling rivalry to get you started.

• Quality socialization can happen with one other child. It doesn’t have to happen in a huge group. If your child is really craving in-person interaction, you can consider making friends with one other family who is also practicing social distancing. Doing this relationship well will help children function well in a group as well. Consider encouraging playdates with your child’s best friend from school or class. You can also reach out to local parenting groups on Facebook or Meetup to make online friends and set up playdates. Children often connect best around shared interests so talking about your child’s interests when you put the call out to friends - or finding online camps or classes can be a good way to make friends. If your child gravitated to a friend in their online camp or class, consider contacting the camp director to make an introduction to their parents and request an online playdate. 

• A nature hike wearing masks in a small group can be a good way to socialize. Consider going on a nature hike in a small group of 3-4 families where all kids and parents wear masks and families stay six feet apart on the trail, but definitely make sure you wear masks and that your children do too. Masks really do help stop the spread of Covid-19. While children don’t often exhibit symptoms of COVID, they most certainly carry it just as much as adults and can pass it along to more vulnerable family members. You can learn more about how masks help stop the spread here. 

It’s also possible to create joyful social experiences for kids online. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

• Set up your child’s online environment to encourage movement. Being online doesn’t mean you have to sit still. Set up your child’s space so they can bounce around, wiggle, dance and play while the screen is on. 

• Encourage kids to do projects together online with one other child or a small group. Doing a project together online can be more enriching than just sitting and talking or listening to a lecture. Even if kids don’t talk during the project. While I bet you already have a lot of great ideas for arts and crafts, cooking or other activities, there are a lot of websites that can give you wonderful ideas for projects: Teachers Pay Teachers, Pinterest, Youtube, or The Ultimate Guide to Staying at Home With Kids.  I also encourage you to reach out to local parenting groups or learning communities like Amazing Educational Resources or SEA homeschoolers to ask for ideas for great projects that kids in your child’s age group can do online together. 

• Get creative. If we stop trying to do online activities the way we do in persons ones, kids can have a lot of fun online, making friends and developing social skills. 

I asked families to share some of their best ideas for connecting online. Here’s what they said worked well for them.

• Virtual playdates: One dad told me that his daughter spends an hour a day with her best friend on skype: playing, chatting and dancing around. The parents were thrilled after 3 months to give the girls a chance to get together for an in-person bike ride. After the bike ride, the father asked his daughter, “weren’t you so excited to see your friend in person?” To which the daughter replied, “what are you talking about? I see her every day!?”

• Tutoring and mentorship: Many sites like Khan Academy and Schoolclosures.org are offering free tutoring to families during the pandemic. One mom I spoke to told me that her six year old spends 2 hours a day talking to his physics teacher across the country. 

• Try online classes and activities: As more and more families and teachers have started to innovate with online socialization. More and better social opportunities for kids have started to emerge online. Khan App Kids is giving free camps this summer. Outschool and HiSawyer offer great classes as well. 

• Find a virtual sitter with special talents: One mom posted an ad on sittercity looking for a “ virtual sitter” and received hundreds of applications. It is only an hour at a time and she has 4 rotating sitters that all have different skills ( singer, actress, dancer etc.) She mini interviews with them and her daughter and she now looks forward to her “play date” with her sitters. They sing, dance, talk, play games. They’re all pretty young girls 18-20 and love this gig as they’re home for school.

If you’re trying to help your child make a friend or learn more about how to connect meaningfully online, please don’t hesitate to reach out. We’re always happy to find ways to help and support families in building meaningful social connections for kids. We also run a facilitated online community for kids to connect and build meaningful social connections. You can learn more about Kids Club here.

This isn’t an easy time for anyone. There are aspects of being physically together in a large group, the spontaneity, the warmth, the sense of connction and all the good vibes that just can’t be replicated online. I for one, can not wait to spending quality time with my extended family and friends. But in the meanwhile, there are ways we can make it more joyful for everyone by nurturing connections at home and virtually. By embracing this new reality, we can make it easier for all.